Adolescence Matters

I often hear prospective parents talk about trying to help their son or daughter find “the right fit” in an independent school. The conversation goes something like this:
 
“Well, I have a daughter who knows exactly what she wants, and she just needs a school that will offer her the programs that will get her where she wants to be. She has all the academic skills and is a great student; it’s just a matter of putting her in an environment of like-minded students who are on the same track. It’s about finding the right fit.” 
 

I nod my head and say, “That’s great,” but I am thinking, “This parent does not have a clue about adolescents or life.  The statement may be a prescription for success, but it is not a prescription for a happy, meaningful life.”

 
So the traditional prep school model is to serve those parents who have children that have already figured life out and are ready to enter the Darwinian competition for success, money, and prestige? Instead of adolescence being a stage in life to explore, to fail, and especially to be loved in the process, at a time when they are most vulnerable, it is, rather, the first step in a prescripted life. It’s as if the kid is saying, “I already figured out my life; let’s begin the race. I’ll start by being with all the other kids who have figured out their lives and are ready to race.”
 

I don’t buy it. Either the kid is going to skip over a very important life process that can play a huge role in her finding meaning in life, or she will become isolated in a cocoon of arrogance, never appreciating the talents (measured and not so easily measured) of others who do not so easily fit the “mold.”

 

Adolescence matters… for every kid! It should not be subverted.

Traffic Duty in the Morning

So why do I direct traffic in the morning?  There is a serious answer to this question, and the answer reflects the school’s educational philosophy. 

First, let me say that it is important to have an adult out there each morning to make sure that the students are safe as they cross the driveway.  And I like waving to the parents who drop their children off. 

But the most important thing I am accomplishing by directing traffic is welcoming students. Sometimes, I congratulate them on a performance or a game or a speech. But most of the time I just greet them, and in doing so, I am signaling to them that at Rivers it is okay for them to be themselves.  Teenagers crave validation (we all do, actually), and once they feel that validation from the community, the building blocks are in place for them to soar. This simple gesture coming from the authority of the school tells students that they can take risks, they can pursue passions, they can go about the business of becoming the person they want to become without worrying about how others perceive them or if they will be judged.

There are schools that motivate students out of fear.  Some motivate through a rigid code of conformity.  Others pit student against student.  Rivers is different.  By signaling to students that it is okay to be themselves, the school creates the fertile ground that then allows our great teachers to work their magic - challenging them, inspiring them, encouraging them. 

So why do I do traffic duty in the morning.  It’s a critical part of the equation that is designed to help students become their best selves, not through fear, conformity, or uber competition, but rather through extending an invitation and making that invitation as enticing as possible.  I think it is the best way to educate children.