Several years ago the Rivers varsity girls' soccer team played against a team not affiliated with the ISL. Throughout the game, two fathers from the other school continuously yelled complaints about the officials and their supposed bias in favor of Rivers. Their comments were loud and heard by others watching the game. For some of us, their behavior was a major distraction, and I remember some of the players looking over toward them during breaks in the action.
After the game, our coach, Susanna Donahue, said something to me that I will never forget:
"When parents act that way, the game isn't fun anymore," she said. "I will never have my team play that school again."
She was right. Competing on the athletic field demands a great deal from our children, and there are wonderful life lessons to be learned. But competing should be fun too. The behavior of the yelling parents, and their willingness to sacrifice sportsmanship and respect for winning sapped the joy from competing.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
My Message to Rivers Students: "Be Better Than I Was"
Welcome to my blog! I am always looking for new ways to share what the Rivers experience is all about. This blog will serve as a place for me to tell the stories that tap into the essence of Rivers, and occasionally post information about parenting and education.
I’d like to start with my message to students on Orientation Day. I delivered a version of this speech to students and faculty at our opening all-school meeting last week.
Please check back frequently for new blog entries! I’ll be posting at least every other week.
Thanks,
Tom
When I was in 8th grade, there was a student who was the class bully. He gained power by creating a small group of insiders. This group intimidated innocent kids, making fun of them or isolating them by talking behind their backs. If you were invited into the group, you didn’t dare refuse because the bully and his friends might go after you.
This was not a great year for me. First, in an effort to fit in, I said some pretty nasty things to other kids – things I am not proud of at all. Second, I clearly lacked the moral courage to stand up to the bully and his friends. And third, when I look back at this time, I feel like it was a lost year for me. The culture of intimidation prevented me from being myself. I was afraid to take risks, afraid to do anything that might draw attention. I couldn't be me.
We built a new Campus Center at Rivers in part because we wanted to enhance the sense of community here. We want to create spaces that will invite connections: student to student, student to teacher, and teacher to teacher.
But there are limits to what a brand new facility can do. At the end of the day, the real strength of the Rivers community resides in each of us – each student and each adult – and relies on our adherence to the school's core values of respect, honesty, responsibility, diversity, and compassion.
If you leave Rivers as a great student, athlete, artist, musician, or actor – whatever it might be – but not a good human being who embraces the core values as a central part of who you are, then we will have failed.
We have a very simple definition of leadership at Rivers: “Be your best self and positively influence others."
At Rivers, we expect each of you to be a leader. We expect each of you to respect others no matter what differences may exist among us. We expect each of you to fulfill your promises and obligations. If you make a commitment, follow through on it. Others are counting on you.
We expect each of you to be honest with one other not just when the consequences of telling the truth are positive or neutral, but also at the times when it is not in your self-interest to tell the truth. Trust is the foundation of any community.
We expect each of you to embrace the diversity that makes up this community and to appreciate difference.
We expect each of you to reach out in compassion when someone is in need. Not just a friend – that’s easy. I mean reaching out to those you don't know.
So, we expect a lot from you, but we also know nobody is perfect. We're not always going to act on these values. We often make bad decisions when we are tired, rushed, or under stress. The question is: “When we fall, will these values call us back? Are they part of who we are?"
The bottom line is I want you to be better than I was when I was in 8th grade…a lot better. And I want our community to be better. It starts with each of us – you and me.
I’d like to start with my message to students on Orientation Day. I delivered a version of this speech to students and faculty at our opening all-school meeting last week.
Please check back frequently for new blog entries! I’ll be posting at least every other week.
Thanks,
Tom
When I was in 8th grade, there was a student who was the class bully. He gained power by creating a small group of insiders. This group intimidated innocent kids, making fun of them or isolating them by talking behind their backs. If you were invited into the group, you didn’t dare refuse because the bully and his friends might go after you.
This was not a great year for me. First, in an effort to fit in, I said some pretty nasty things to other kids – things I am not proud of at all. Second, I clearly lacked the moral courage to stand up to the bully and his friends. And third, when I look back at this time, I feel like it was a lost year for me. The culture of intimidation prevented me from being myself. I was afraid to take risks, afraid to do anything that might draw attention. I couldn't be me.
We built a new Campus Center at Rivers in part because we wanted to enhance the sense of community here. We want to create spaces that will invite connections: student to student, student to teacher, and teacher to teacher.
But there are limits to what a brand new facility can do. At the end of the day, the real strength of the Rivers community resides in each of us – each student and each adult – and relies on our adherence to the school's core values of respect, honesty, responsibility, diversity, and compassion.
If you leave Rivers as a great student, athlete, artist, musician, or actor – whatever it might be – but not a good human being who embraces the core values as a central part of who you are, then we will have failed.
We have a very simple definition of leadership at Rivers: “Be your best self and positively influence others."
At Rivers, we expect each of you to be a leader. We expect each of you to respect others no matter what differences may exist among us. We expect each of you to fulfill your promises and obligations. If you make a commitment, follow through on it. Others are counting on you.
We expect each of you to be honest with one other not just when the consequences of telling the truth are positive or neutral, but also at the times when it is not in your self-interest to tell the truth. Trust is the foundation of any community.
We expect each of you to embrace the diversity that makes up this community and to appreciate difference.
We expect each of you to reach out in compassion when someone is in need. Not just a friend – that’s easy. I mean reaching out to those you don't know.
So, we expect a lot from you, but we also know nobody is perfect. We're not always going to act on these values. We often make bad decisions when we are tired, rushed, or under stress. The question is: “When we fall, will these values call us back? Are they part of who we are?"
The bottom line is I want you to be better than I was when I was in 8th grade…a lot better. And I want our community to be better. It starts with each of us – you and me.
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